Jamie's deep dark secret, who is Brian really?
I went to play at the Bellagio at around midnight, and I got in a game pretty quickly. I've had so many poker related blogs lately that I am not going to make this long about poker. The game was absolutely off the hook, it was a $500 max buy-in and I ended up taking the short end of the stick in the worst way and I was in the game for $3000 which is the most buy-ins I've ever put in a game in my life in one session. I cashed out $3300 so that felt like a huge win. There was an asian guy at the table who outdrew me twice in $2500+ pots who was just donating money. He was in his mid fifties and had a LOT of jewelry on and tried to impress this young twenties beautiful asian girl and tried over and over to get her to go out to dinner with him. She refused. As long as she stayed, he did too, and he was flaunting his money by moving all-in without looking at his cards and random madness. The game was off the hook.
After this, Jamie and Shawn got back from working and they picked me up. I was going to go to sleep, this was at around 10 AM and they said lets go to the Fashion Show Mall. Well sure, I figured, lets go. First I said, I want a smoothie or something lets find a juice bar. This was apparently totally hilarious to Shawn as he put on his gay lisp and kept saying lets go to the juice bar, I want a juice bar. Izzz that the hotzzzzpot for all the hot guyzzzz, etc. I wanted to slap the living shit out of him but I couldn't help myself from tearing up laughing. He does the gay lisp imitation better than anyone I have ever met. We go to the mall, and I celebrate my $300 win by buying a bunch of clothes. Jamie also told me I'd love true religion jeans so went to look at some and sure enough, I love em, so I had to get me two pair, and a diesel shirt, and some shoes and some sunglasses and bah I suck at money.
Anyway, Jamie apparently lost a bet because he went to color his hair and get it cut in a very fashionable way. I don't know who he made the bet with, but I think it was a lot of money riding on it because that can't have been his own decision. We're standing outside the window waiting for him to get done when Shawn turns to me and goes, "I'm gonna fuck with him, come inside you're gonna hear this"
He walks in and he goes in his best gay voice, "Ohhhhh baby you are looking SMOKING. Brian is gonna LOVE it, he is going to just LOVE it."
"Who the fuck is Brian?" Jamie tries to ask in his most macho voice
"Oh baby don't be silly now, you know Brian. I'm not going to tell him you said that he will not be happy with you when you're saying it like that."
I was laughing so fucking hard standing behind some shelves a few feet back that I was doubled over, I swear to god if I could videotape that, Jamies reaction and the hair-dressers look on her face I could sell it for a million dollars. We've just been all hanging out today riding around, spent some time walking around and shopping and just hanging out and man my stomach fucking hurts. It is the funniest shit ever.
While he finished getting his hair cut, we go into some sports memorabilia store and look around. Shawn of course gets very excited as his beloved phillies has their jerseys for sale down here, even though they most likely haven't sold one in a while. The clerk was asking if we were looking to buy something in particular and I had to resist the urge to tell him that Shawn is a phillies fan, and he likes sportsbetting. So from the look of things, he is a broke motherfucker considering Phillies is what... 1-8 in the last nine games? I think the true die hard hardcore fans of the Phillies are the ones that still, after seven straight losses or whatever the fuck it was still pick up the sports pages and look at the score with a little glimmer of hope. Shawn is one of those people, obviously he is a "glass is half full" type thinker. Nine times out of ten, you hear the obligatory "FUCK" yelled out and you know he reached the sportspages and that the Phillies lost again. And again... and again...
We finish up and I was riding back with them and my brother calls and I talk to him in swedish obviously, and they start trying to interpret, I throw in words like "Jamie, mississippi, new orleans, shawn, bellagio" etc and they apparently figured out that I did try to drown Jamie in the mississippi river and that I was now in the midst of planning a terrorist attack to kill americans in new orleans and in the bellagio hotel. It was just one of those things where you had to be there I think, because it was some funny shit. I don't know what'll happen after the summer and where everybody will go to live and all that shit, but I sure will miss days like these, laughing my ass off for an entire day at just playing off of each others jokes. That is the pure nuts.
After this, Jamie and Shawn got back from working and they picked me up. I was going to go to sleep, this was at around 10 AM and they said lets go to the Fashion Show Mall. Well sure, I figured, lets go. First I said, I want a smoothie or something lets find a juice bar. This was apparently totally hilarious to Shawn as he put on his gay lisp and kept saying lets go to the juice bar, I want a juice bar. Izzz that the hotzzzzpot for all the hot guyzzzz, etc. I wanted to slap the living shit out of him but I couldn't help myself from tearing up laughing. He does the gay lisp imitation better than anyone I have ever met. We go to the mall, and I celebrate my $300 win by buying a bunch of clothes. Jamie also told me I'd love true religion jeans so went to look at some and sure enough, I love em, so I had to get me two pair, and a diesel shirt, and some shoes and some sunglasses and bah I suck at money.
Anyway, Jamie apparently lost a bet because he went to color his hair and get it cut in a very fashionable way. I don't know who he made the bet with, but I think it was a lot of money riding on it because that can't have been his own decision. We're standing outside the window waiting for him to get done when Shawn turns to me and goes, "I'm gonna fuck with him, come inside you're gonna hear this"
He walks in and he goes in his best gay voice, "Ohhhhh baby you are looking SMOKING. Brian is gonna LOVE it, he is going to just LOVE it."
"Who the fuck is Brian?" Jamie tries to ask in his most macho voice
"Oh baby don't be silly now, you know Brian. I'm not going to tell him you said that he will not be happy with you when you're saying it like that."
I was laughing so fucking hard standing behind some shelves a few feet back that I was doubled over, I swear to god if I could videotape that, Jamies reaction and the hair-dressers look on her face I could sell it for a million dollars. We've just been all hanging out today riding around, spent some time walking around and shopping and just hanging out and man my stomach fucking hurts. It is the funniest shit ever.
While he finished getting his hair cut, we go into some sports memorabilia store and look around. Shawn of course gets very excited as his beloved phillies has their jerseys for sale down here, even though they most likely haven't sold one in a while. The clerk was asking if we were looking to buy something in particular and I had to resist the urge to tell him that Shawn is a phillies fan, and he likes sportsbetting. So from the look of things, he is a broke motherfucker considering Phillies is what... 1-8 in the last nine games? I think the true die hard hardcore fans of the Phillies are the ones that still, after seven straight losses or whatever the fuck it was still pick up the sports pages and look at the score with a little glimmer of hope. Shawn is one of those people, obviously he is a "glass is half full" type thinker. Nine times out of ten, you hear the obligatory "FUCK" yelled out and you know he reached the sportspages and that the Phillies lost again. And again... and again...
We finish up and I was riding back with them and my brother calls and I talk to him in swedish obviously, and they start trying to interpret, I throw in words like "Jamie, mississippi, new orleans, shawn, bellagio" etc and they apparently figured out that I did try to drown Jamie in the mississippi river and that I was now in the midst of planning a terrorist attack to kill americans in new orleans and in the bellagio hotel. It was just one of those things where you had to be there I think, because it was some funny shit. I don't know what'll happen after the summer and where everybody will go to live and all that shit, but I sure will miss days like these, laughing my ass off for an entire day at just playing off of each others jokes. That is the pure nuts.
posted by Swede at 2:58 PM
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