What should be my next New Years resolution
I know what I need to work on right now when it comes to poker is quitting when I get a little bit pissed off, I'm losing a little bit of money and I recognize both these things and still play. Then the next thing I need to work on is when I'm losing a lot of money, steam is coming out of my ears and I'm still playing. Lastly, when I'm throwing my wireless mouse, when I'm losing out the ass and I'm yelling profanities and still playing. The latter was what I went through in the last online-session I played. I have been losing a decent bit lately, made somewhat of a comeback yesterday and things felt alright. I log onto Full Tilt today and I win about a dime early on in the session and I'm about to quit when I wait for Chris to take a shower, in the fifteen minutes while he's showering I lose back the money I've won and I'm about dead even.
I tell him the game is bad and I should quit but I'll play a little longer. I get stuck a hundred or two, I tell him if I win the next pot I'll just quit right then and there and go watch a movie. I lose that pot too with KK to QQ on a Q-3-2 flop. I'm now stuck about five hundred and told him and Nick to go get some food while I try to chase back the losses. They come back a little later and I'm stuck about $1800, I'm steaming and tilting and playing badly and I tell 'em I'm going to play a little longer. I lose a flopped flush to a flopped royal flush and I stack off completely and I'm stuck about $2500, I'm now furious and go on a total rampage moving all-in in the dark for the next ten minutes and when the dust is settled I lost about $5000 for the day. All in all, a pretty bad day. The worst part is all of it could've been avoided.
I hate to make this into an all serious entry as I usually try to get some humor in there but I am sitting here now drunk off my ass and trying to analyze why this happens quite frequently. This is hardly the first time this has happened. My conclusion is that I'm just one of those self-destructive people that would rather go and put themselves through this just so I can get to whine about how terribly I'm doing instead of playing the safe and sound route of grinding my money up slowly and surely. It's all a matter of discipline and maturity I believe, and I'm lacking both at the moment. I had the question asked to me so many times by my friends online today, "What are you going to do if you go broke?" and I can't even answer. I've gotten such a spoiled life-style now that I can't even imagine myself working for $8/hour somewhere, so I'd probably either end up trying to borrow money to build my bankroll back up or going back to Sweden. Part of me think that I'm trying to get myself broke so I get a reason to go back to Sweden even though I know I won't like it there, I've always wanted to live here in the states. Ever since I left my ex over in Alabama it has been life in the fast-lane though, spending a lot of money, doing a lot of crazy things and basically just been carelessly living life without any concern about anything. It's tough to adjust to go back to living some kind of normal life. It's not like I had millions upon millions anyway, so don't get me wrong, but still been throwing around a lot of money on things I could've done without. It all helped into giving me a very spoiled perspective on life where I take plenty of things for granted. I am trying to figure out how to turn this all around and get back to enjoying life again. I hate stressing out about money but that's all I've been doing the last month, and while I'm so stressed about money I still go and blow $5000 online in the matter of hours. That is quite the paradox, isn't it?
That is all for this entry, not much humor, not a whole lot to laugh at but a very important self-reflective blog that I can look back at in a few months hopefully and realize that "Wow, I've came quite a ways in terms of character and discipline from what I was back then" At least that is what I hope for with this entry.
I tell him the game is bad and I should quit but I'll play a little longer. I get stuck a hundred or two, I tell him if I win the next pot I'll just quit right then and there and go watch a movie. I lose that pot too with KK to QQ on a Q-3-2 flop. I'm now stuck about five hundred and told him and Nick to go get some food while I try to chase back the losses. They come back a little later and I'm stuck about $1800, I'm steaming and tilting and playing badly and I tell 'em I'm going to play a little longer. I lose a flopped flush to a flopped royal flush and I stack off completely and I'm stuck about $2500, I'm now furious and go on a total rampage moving all-in in the dark for the next ten minutes and when the dust is settled I lost about $5000 for the day. All in all, a pretty bad day. The worst part is all of it could've been avoided.
I hate to make this into an all serious entry as I usually try to get some humor in there but I am sitting here now drunk off my ass and trying to analyze why this happens quite frequently. This is hardly the first time this has happened. My conclusion is that I'm just one of those self-destructive people that would rather go and put themselves through this just so I can get to whine about how terribly I'm doing instead of playing the safe and sound route of grinding my money up slowly and surely. It's all a matter of discipline and maturity I believe, and I'm lacking both at the moment. I had the question asked to me so many times by my friends online today, "What are you going to do if you go broke?" and I can't even answer. I've gotten such a spoiled life-style now that I can't even imagine myself working for $8/hour somewhere, so I'd probably either end up trying to borrow money to build my bankroll back up or going back to Sweden. Part of me think that I'm trying to get myself broke so I get a reason to go back to Sweden even though I know I won't like it there, I've always wanted to live here in the states. Ever since I left my ex over in Alabama it has been life in the fast-lane though, spending a lot of money, doing a lot of crazy things and basically just been carelessly living life without any concern about anything. It's tough to adjust to go back to living some kind of normal life. It's not like I had millions upon millions anyway, so don't get me wrong, but still been throwing around a lot of money on things I could've done without. It all helped into giving me a very spoiled perspective on life where I take plenty of things for granted. I am trying to figure out how to turn this all around and get back to enjoying life again. I hate stressing out about money but that's all I've been doing the last month, and while I'm so stressed about money I still go and blow $5000 online in the matter of hours. That is quite the paradox, isn't it?
That is all for this entry, not much humor, not a whole lot to laugh at but a very important self-reflective blog that I can look back at in a few months hopefully and realize that "Wow, I've came quite a ways in terms of character and discipline from what I was back then" At least that is what I hope for with this entry.
posted by Swede at 10:32 PM
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