Jamie's deep dark secret, who is Brian really?

I went to play at the Bellagio at around midnight, and I got in a game pretty quickly. I've had so many poker related blogs lately that I am not going to make this long about poker. The game was absolutely off the hook, it was a $500 max buy-in and I ended up taking the short end of the stick in the worst way and I was in the game for $3000 which is the most buy-ins I've ever put in a game in my life in one session. I cashed out $3300 so that felt like a huge win. There was an asian guy at the table who outdrew me twice in $2500+ pots who was just donating money. He was in his mid fifties and had a LOT of jewelry on and tried to impress this young twenties beautiful asian girl and tried over and over to get her to go out to dinner with him. She refused. As long as she stayed, he did too, and he was flaunting his money by moving all-in without looking at his cards and random madness. The game was off the hook.

After this, Jamie and Shawn got back from working and they picked me up. I was going to go to sleep, this was at around 10 AM and they said lets go to the Fashion Show Mall. Well sure, I figured, lets go. First I said, I want a smoothie or something lets find a juice bar. This was apparently totally hilarious to Shawn as he put on his gay lisp and kept saying lets go to the juice bar, I want a juice bar. Izzz that the hotzzzzpot for all the hot guyzzzz, etc. I wanted to slap the living shit out of him but I couldn't help myself from tearing up laughing. He does the gay lisp imitation better than anyone I have ever met. We go to the mall, and I celebrate my $300 win by buying a bunch of clothes. Jamie also told me I'd love true religion jeans so went to look at some and sure enough, I love em, so I had to get me two pair, and a diesel shirt, and some shoes and some sunglasses and bah I suck at money.

Anyway, Jamie apparently lost a bet because he went to color his hair and get it cut in a very fashionable way. I don't know who he made the bet with, but I think it was a lot of money riding on it because that can't have been his own decision. We're standing outside the window waiting for him to get done when Shawn turns to me and goes, "I'm gonna fuck with him, come inside you're gonna hear this"

He walks in and he goes in his best gay voice, "Ohhhhh baby you are looking SMOKING. Brian is gonna LOVE it, he is going to just LOVE it."

"Who the fuck is Brian?" Jamie tries to ask in his most macho voice

"Oh baby don't be silly now, you know Brian. I'm not going to tell him you said that he will not be happy with you when you're saying it like that."

I was laughing so fucking hard standing behind some shelves a few feet back that I was doubled over, I swear to god if I could videotape that, Jamies reaction and the hair-dressers look on her face I could sell it for a million dollars. We've just been all hanging out today riding around, spent some time walking around and shopping and just hanging out and man my stomach fucking hurts. It is the funniest shit ever.

While he finished getting his hair cut, we go into some sports memorabilia store and look around. Shawn of course gets very excited as his beloved phillies has their jerseys for sale down here, even though they most likely haven't sold one in a while. The clerk was asking if we were looking to buy something in particular and I had to resist the urge to tell him that Shawn is a phillies fan, and he likes sportsbetting. So from the look of things, he is a broke motherfucker considering Phillies is what... 1-8 in the last nine games? I think the true die hard hardcore fans of the Phillies are the ones that still, after seven straight losses or whatever the fuck it was still pick up the sports pages and look at the score with a little glimmer of hope. Shawn is one of those people, obviously he is a "glass is half full" type thinker. Nine times out of ten, you hear the obligatory "FUCK" yelled out and you know he reached the sportspages and that the Phillies lost again. And again... and again...

We finish up and I was riding back with them and my brother calls and I talk to him in swedish obviously, and they start trying to interpret, I throw in words like "Jamie, mississippi, new orleans, shawn, bellagio" etc and they apparently figured out that I did try to drown Jamie in the mississippi river and that I was now in the midst of planning a terrorist attack to kill americans in new orleans and in the bellagio hotel. It was just one of those things where you had to be there I think, because it was some funny shit. I don't know what'll happen after the summer and where everybody will go to live and all that shit, but I sure will miss days like these, laughing my ass off for an entire day at just playing off of each others jokes. That is the pure nuts.

Poker, crazy people and a funny story about gambling

Yesterday was a pretty exciting day, I played a few satellites with no luck and then sat down in a cashgame. It was a $2/5 NL hold'em with $500 max buy-in and it was four other people playing. I sat down and shortly after I sat down, the guy from New York on my right yelled to his buddy "Hey man, seat open, come play!"

A little while later his friend sat down to play, and he was insanely loud and drunk. It didn't take but two minutes before the guy from New York started saying "jesus fucking christ I told you to come play with us I didn't ask to you come and talk to me, sit at the other fucking end of the table, will ya?"

It was all pretty funny. The drunk guy was raising every single pot. He'd either bet $25 or $35 on every flop after raising pre-flop, I called him down once before after he bet $25 and he wasn't holding anything so somehow it made me wonder if the bet-size was a tell or if it was a complete coincidence. A little while later, he raised it to $25 and I had 4-2 of hearts on the button. I called many of his raises with various hands just hoping to play a big pot since he was a loose cannon. The flop came K-Q-2 and he checked, I checked too. Turn was an 8 and he bet $25, I wanted to test my theory so I called. River was a 7. He fired out $100. All I have is bottom-pair no kicker, but I really thought unless he flopped trips he wouldn't check the flop and bet the turn with that weird bet, then overbet the river. I decided to call, he flipped up A-J for ace high and my pair of deuces won. This set him off totally. He started talking about how incredibly horrible I am. He said "You play so bad, I can't understand it, do you have any idea what you are doing at all?"

I replied, "I'm trying my best sir, it's my first time playing"... he said "I can see that, you are playing horrible, there was a king and a queen on board and I bet a hundred dollars, what do you think I had?"

I said "I guess you had me beat, huh?" this is when his buddy from New York chimes in, "Hey he had a pair of deuces, you can't fold a pair of deuces, deuces never loses remember?" to which I said "That saying must be true for some reason, right?" He said "You keep playing like that kid I'm going to bust you, you have no chance, I'm going to teach you a lesson."

He kept going on and on about how he was going to bust me because I was such a horrible player, and I was laughing so hard. A couple orbits later, I pick up 2-2 (Isn't it ironic?) and he's in the pot. Flop comes down Q-3-2. I check, lady on my left bets $15, the maniac who hates me raised to $60, I reraise to $250, lady calls allin for like $130 and the maniac can't wait to get all his chips in the pot and says all-in. I say I call. There's two clubs on the board, and he asks me, "Do you have a club-draw? Huh kid? Are you on the flushdraw?" and I just said "No" he said "Well I have two pair"

Turn come a 6 river come an 8 and he proudly shows me 3-2 offsuit for bottom two pair, I show 2-2 and rake in a big pot. He really taught me a lesson in that one too. He flips out again. "Why didn't you tell me you had a set, huh? Why didn't you tell me you fucking asshole I asked if you had a flushdraw"

"I didn't know it was called a set, first time playing, remember?" and then he calmed down for a second and said "Nice hand, nice hand see that's how you're supposed to take losing like I just did say nice hand and walk away"

Well, walk away he did and therefore I went to a new game too. I sat down in another game and started playing and not only five minutes later, the maniac comes and sits down two on my left. He said "I want you!" and pointed at me and he said, "I'll play you heads-up for $50,000 if you want, I'm going to follow you around all night whatever table you go to I will go to" by now this was starting to get really funny. A girl was sitting inbetween me and him and he kept telling her how he was going to teach her about poker. He managed to go through $500 six times at our table as he kept losing and rebuying and rebuying and rebuying. On one hand the girl on my left busted him in a big hand and he started yelling that women don't belong at the poker table, they belong in the kitchen and nowhere else. He was just horribly bad and such an asshole, I still thought it was so funny. Jamie kept saying he has played with him before and he can't even play with him because he just wants to punch him, I don't mind his shit-talking, he's such a horrible player I'd play with him every day if I could so sometimes you gotta put up with some shit-talk I guess :)

I also had a really good story told to me by Joe Bartholi Sr. He's a dealer that works there amongst other places and his son was the man who won the WPT 25k championship. Anyway, he said that back in 1976, I believe this was, Eric Drache and some man who was the leader of the mob were playing $400/800 Stud. The kicker was Eric Drache was playing with his holecards face-up the entire time, that was the edge that he was spotting him. Joe had just gone broke and needed money, and the manager asked him if he would deal the game for half an hour for a hundred bucks. Joe said that he needed money so he could go gamble it up to make more money, to pay back the money that he had to borrow so he could gamble earlier! So of course, he jumped in the box and started dealing. On one hand, in six cards Eric Drache had made a flush and the mob guy had made a full-house. Eric's flush, of course, was fully visible while the mob guy still had a hidden full house as his two down-cards actually were face-down. They started betting, "bet, raise, re-raise, re-raise, re-raise" all the way around the table he said. They made a whole circle around the table with chips from the raises and in the meantime Joe, who was extremely tired had fallen asleep in the box dealing. The mob guy yelled "Dealer, deal the next card you motherfucker" and Joe jumped up to attention and he accidently made the top card flip from on top of the deck over his shoulder and land behind him. Now the hand is void and it was a mis-deal. He said the mob guy jumped on him and said he was going to kill him, he grabbed him by the throat and was dunking his head into the chip-tray infront of him while Drache and the manager tried to get him off of him. He said if he ever saw Joe back in there again he would kill him, and apparently that was the kind of guy that was serious about it. Joe said every time he went to work after this he would sneak back in to make sure the mob guy never saw him, and he always requested he wouldn't have to deal at the table the mob guy was playing at.

I love those gambling stories from the old days and that was a really good one too, or so I thought anyway. I just woke up and it's midnight, and I'm about to go back down to the Rio. Shawn said that the next time I'll see him around and I'll be asking Jamie where he is, he'd be at the final table with John Hennigan and Doyle Brunson he said. This would probably be right before the three massive security guards escorts him out and tells him to stop bothering the fucking players, or the day hell freezes over, which ever comes first.

WSOP Event #2 NLHE $1500

This entry will be all about poker, so if you don't care about it, skip it. If you care about it, you can still skip it but you don't have to.

The event was the first official event, since Event #1 was for casino employees only and it was $1500 buy-in no limit hold'em. It was 2700 entrants in the event, 2200 registered and 500 alternates and all alternates made it in before the second level.

I was seated at a table with no recognizables whatsoever, and I knew that was a good thing. We started out with 1500 chips and 25/25 blinds and sixty minute levels. In the first level I raised it up to 75 with A-Q. I got one caller from the guy on my left and the flop came down Q-J-2 with two hearts. I bet 125 and he called. Turn was a low blank, I bet 250 and he called. River was a J and I checked, he thought a little and bet 400. There's plenty of hands I can still beat so I decided to call, he shows me A-J for the beautiful two out river. I was thinking immediately oh this is going to be a fun day, I'll be out in 15 minutes flat.

I get myself all the way down to 600 chips through blinds and I have A-8 offsuit in the small blind, the blinds are now 25/50 and there are three limpers and I toss in another 25 chip to complete the blind. Flop came A-10-3 all different suits. I check and everybody checks up to a player who I already thought was a weak player and he bets 150. It goes around to me and the only hand that I'm worried about is A-9. He'd raise A-K, A-Q, A-J and A-10 seems somewhat unlikely. I just thought he had a weak ace and A-9 seemed like the only thing that I was scared of. I decided to put it all in anyway as I might not get a better spot with my shortstack, it folds to him and he calls with A-6 and my hand holds up. Back to around 1400 chips. I'm at around 1750 when the next hand that goes to a showdown occurs. I raised two aces to 150, an asian guy makes a minimum raise to 300, I reraise it to 800 and he calls. Flop came down K-x-x
(x = irrelevant card under a ten) and I thought for a little and figured if I'm going to get action by anything I might as well put it in, I moved all-in and he calls with two queens and I busted him out. I'm at 3475 when the first break comes. This is also when Joe Cassidy gets moved two to my left.

The blinds were up to 50/100 and I play a hand against Joe real weak. He raises under the gun to 250, everybody folds to me, I'm in the small blind with A-K of hearts. I figured he's willing to gamble at this point as he got in the tournament really late as an alternate and only had 1500 chips so I didn't necessarily want a race. I thought I'd just smooth-call and play a flop. Flop came down all rags, I check, he bet 500 and he took it down. Nothing really happens after this, a guy tried to steal my blind and made it 450 on the button, I had two kings in the blind and raised to 1200 and he folded. I also double up the guy on my left when the cutoff raises to 250, I reraise to 700 with 9-9 and the blind pushes on my left. It's only a thousand more to me and I decided to call, he had A-Q and he won the race. A little later, I raise the big blind all-in from the button with A-10 and the small blind folds, the big blind calls all-in for 1100 with two deuces and it's my turn to win a flip. We play two more levels and it goes to the next break, in the second break I'm at 4400 with blinds about to be 100/200 with 25 ante.

I had already decided I'm kicking it up a notch when the antes kick in, every pot has 550 chips in it and that's a pretty large amount to add to my stack. I started raising a lot of pots and built my chips up. I also noticed two guys on my right liked to raise a lot of pots, and in three different instances I would flat-call them in position and take it away from them on the flop or the turn. Like in one hand the guy raises to 600, I call with Q-J. Flop came K-9-2 he bet another 800 and I just call. Turn he checks, I bet a thousand and he folds. A couple orbits later somebody raises my big blind and makes it 700 to go, I look down at A-7 and I put him allin for 2200 more. He folds and I get some more chips. I'm sitting right at 7700 when a guy in late position, two off the button raises to 1000. He only has another 1000 behind and I look down at A-8. I thought he was really weak when he made that kind of raise, I thought he'd either raise smaller with a real hand or push all-in with a medium pair of some sort. I thought he could have any small ace, KQ, KJ, KT, QJ, QT or JT. I definitely thought I was ahead even though it was a slight edge, I put him allin for the other thousand, fully knowing he has to call and he shows KQ. I win that pot and I'm at around 9000. I get to the high mark of 9950 about thirty minutes before the dinner break and the blinds are now 150/300 with 25 ante. I had no idea what the average was at this point, I thought I was slightly above average because our table was so inflated with chips taht even though I had near ten thousand I was fourth or fifth in chips at our table. That's when the crucial hand of the tournament for me played out. I had raised three times in one orbit, one time I raised with J-8 offsuit to 900 from middle position and a short-stack calls allin for 450 chips. I hated this for the plain reason that 450 chips doesn't matter to me but I had to show J-8 which would ruin my credibility. Prior to this I'd only shown down good hands. Two hands after J-8 that I lost, I raised to 900 with 9-9. It folds around to a reckless guy in the small blind who peeks at his cards and instantaneously pushes all-in. I ask for a count and it's 3650 more on top of my raise. I had a 9500 stack at this point and I had invested 900. I have 8600 if I fold and I will be in decent shape, I have 5000 if I call and lose. I'll be somewhere between 14 and 15 thousand if I call and win. A few orbits before this, I saw this guy make a really goofy play when he ended up winning a pot by calling a raise and a re-raise with A-9 of spades, flop a flushdraw and check-call all-in and hit a flush to double up so I had already thought that he was somewhat of a loose cannon. Then I started thinking that this is the fourth pot I raise in less than ten hands, and last one I showed was J-8 offsuit. He also pushed so very fast that I didn't think he was really strong, as I figured he would spend a little bit more time thinking about whether he could raise it less if he had a really big hand. The fact that he just moved in smelled a lot like A-K or A-Q to me. I also considered that he might push with any pair. I probably spent a good five minutes thinking about how to play this hand. In my mind, I had him as a 60% chance he's got two overcards, 30% he's got a smaller pair and 10% he'd wake up with a bigger pair than mine, but I thought that wasn't very likely. I put my chips in the middle and said call. My read was way off as he showed me two queens and I lost the pot. No sweat, I thought, I made a decision based on my read and I thought that if I had won that pot if he had two overcards I would've had such a big stack that I could just run over this table and pick up antes. I still wasn't out, but had some chips.

I get moved right after this hand to a table with only one known pro, Isabella Mercier. I only played a few hands before the dinner break and I left for the dinner break at 4450 chips. I come back after an hour and ten minutes, and the blinds are now 200/400 with 50 ante. I'm short but not desperately so, I'm just wishing I'll pick up a hand. I blind away down to about 3600 when Isabella who just had been involved in three or four pots in the last orbit limps in middle position, I have K-8 offsuit in the small blind. I thought about ditching it right here and saving the chips, but I also figured tossing in another 200 to win the 1500 out there might be a decent enough proposition. I put in the remaining 200 and the big blind checked. The flop came down Qs 2s Qd. I checked, the big blind checked and Isabella minimum bets out 400. There's now 400+400+400+500 (antes) and her bet of 400 in the pot. There's 2100 in the pot and I had definitely decided she's just making a bet with some bullshit hand. I am fairly certain she doesn't have a queen, I raised it to 1000 thinking that's all I have to invest to see if I can take down this pot. There's a lot out there and my small raise might make her worried about a queen. As soon as I raise it up the big blind says "TIME", and I'm thinking oh fuck you're not supposed to have a hand. He calls and Isabella folds. I'm thinking well, plan B I'm done with the hand I took my stab and maybe he has the queen. Turn is an offsuit rag, I check and he checks, river is a 10 and the only thing I'm praying is that he has a flushdraw with a card lower than mine so I'll take it down by highcard because I didn't plan on betting anymore. He checks behind me and shows Ks 10s for the flushdraw, but he had a king also and he hit a pair on the river. I don't hate my play here, just bad timing. I'm down to 2400 and the next hand I play is in the cutoff when I push with A-4 offsuit when it folds to me, I take that one down and I'm back at 3500. Then I can't pick up a hand seemingly, I get my first pair in forever, two deuces under the gun first to act. I decided to muck as I'd rather push two random rags in position than open push 2-2 under the gun. As it turns out, the big blind had two fives (and would've called) and he also flopped a five so I dodged a bullet. I forfeit my big blind and then I post my small blind and I'm back down to 2450 chips. Everybody folds around to me in the small blind and it's only me and the big blind, I have already decided without looking at my cards (I never look at my cards until it's my turn to act) that I am pushing this pot. It doesn't matter what two I have. I have enough chips that unless he's ace high, KQ-KJ-K10 or a pair he won't call me, this I'm fairly sure of. I look down at 7-2 offsuit, wow, thanks for that one. I push allin and the big blind asks for a count, I say it's 2650 total with my blind posted and he says "I call", this is not what I wanted to hear. He shows me A-7 which is probably the worst hand he could have as my seven is dead, flop came A-4-5 for a gutshot wheel draw, turn 7 and river 9 and I bust out somewhere in the range of 420th with top 270 paying. I don't really regret any play I made tonight, and while it sounds reckless to bust with 2-7 I knew that if I fold that one I have to push all-in sometime during the next eight hands before my blind or I'll be too low in chips to do anything. As I said earlier, I'd rather push a random garbage hand only having to go through one guy than push A-6 or 2-2 or something in early position. I'd also much rather push with 7-2 offsuit than have to call a raise with a mediocre hand, but that's just how I play. I still think if he wasn't ace high or a pair at that point I'd win the blinds and have another round to pick up a hand. Unfortunate timing.

I'm of course very disappointed to bust out not only so close to the money but when I felt like I played very well. I made a couple very aggressive borderline reckless moves but that's also just the style I play, if I get a hold of a lot of chips I can kick it up another notch and take down a lot of pots by playing flops and raising blinds so it was a calculated risk I took playing the 9-9 against what turned out to be Q-Q and so forth. I also have to be realistical and realize that to go through almost three thousand people I'm going to have to be very lucky at several, several points in the tournament. I'm a definite believer in aggressive play in these tournaments even though it's multi-day events. There are so many horrible players out there in the field that are just waiting to give away all their chips with one pair or that are willing to bust out with A-K after the flop even though they don't pair up. If you don't play aggressive and you don't get chips, you won't be able to play flops with these people and take full advantage of the fact that they like to give away chips.

If the event isn't sold out, I'm also playing tomorrows event, $1500 Pot Limit Hold'em. I love pot limit so I hope I can get a seat in that one, I forgot to buy in before I left the Rio. Take care everybody, wish me better luck tomorrow.

Playing cards and "Summer Girls"

I went down to the Rio and I started playing some satellites, I only played three of them but I chopped one, outright won one and got a bit unlucky in the third. I am at least playing very good right now so got my hopes up for tomorrows $1500 NL event. I just hope I won't bust early to something ridiculous and get disappointed.

So I sit and play, and I've got Jamies iPod on, right? This in itself is interesting because he has the widest variety of music on it and when you put it on random it's gets interesting. He has everything from country, to rock, to white supremacy bullshit to slow songs. I'm sitting there playing poker and got through listening to something when the LFO song "Summer Girls" play for like the third or fourth time. It's an alright song until I really started paying attention to the lyrics, I mean what the fuck? Do you know the song I'm talking about? The one that was a hit like a whole bunch of years ago.

"New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits. Chinese food makes me sick. I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer, for the summer. I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch, I'd take her if I had one wish...."

Besides the last sentence nothing makes sense. Can you jump anymore from fucking subject to subject? I'm sitting there trying to break the chips with my hand and totally absorbed in this idiotic fucking song that just pisses me off when I get the dealer to ask me what I'm doing and I literally turn around and go "WHAT?" in a pissed off tone before I realize that I was actually at a poker table. Sorry bud.

It's like later on in the lyrics, "Fell deep in love but now we ain't speakin', Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton. When I met you I said my name was Rich, you look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch."

I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THESE LYRICS. It drives me insane. It doesn't make sense, at all. I now want to find these LFO fuckers and run them over three times over because they made such an insanely retarded song that I can't get out of my head. I caught myself in the shower taking a shower singing the song and I had to resist the urge to slap the shit out of myself. God it is so annoying.

That was a lot of anger all at once, I feel better already. This is better than therapy, cheaper at least. We're sitting here right now talking to Nathan back in Tunica, he's feeling lonely. He's on Tims computer and Tims spacebar is broken and it is absolutely hilarious

"heythisischuckyhowudoingareyouguysdoingalrightinvegas"

Of course I had to be fucking with him so I started typing the same way back, me and Jamie were rolling laughing. It was funny as hell for some reason, poor little Chucky left all alone back in Tunica. If anyone wants to adopt him I think he's for sale, he doesn't have any real qualities to speak of but he has nice facial hair. It grows quickly too. Just messing with you Chuckypoo, you know I loves ya.

I'm going to get some sleep now as the tournament kicks off in nine hours and I'm hoping to win it, just don't come back here and read a thread title named "FUCK" but instead one that is something like "Chipleader going into day two."

World Series of Poker and other things

Since the tournament I won online, it kind of sparked an interest to keep playing a lot more again so that's pretty much what I've been doing. We had the last day of our rental car before we were deciding whether we were renewing it at the very modest and fair rate (ha!) of $523 a week since apparently rental car companies gets their kicks out of punishing anybody that isn't 25 years old with a shit load of taxes. All the taxes they added on top of the actual rental made me feel like I was back in Sweden, fascists.

We ended up driving to this newly built place up in Summerlin called Red Rock Casino. Mike Laing told us that we absolutely have to check it out and once we do, we'll never go anywhere else to play. Sounds worth checking out to me, so we made the drive up there and decided to play a bit. The place itself was really nice, I liked it, the tables in the poker room were very nice and I liked the whole layout of the place. The games were as juicy as can be too. I was sitting next to an older gentleman that was just making me laugh so hard I couldn't help myself, he was just saying these random quote gems about poker that was unintentionally funny and I had to take a walk every now and then because I didn't want to be rude. He informed the whole table he was down about a thousand dollars and he had no idea how it happened, because after all, he was playing perfect everybody else were playing all these bullshit cards.

At one time, a younger guy made a raise to $40 with ace-queen... he called with ace-king. The flop came out all low cards, the young guy made a follow-up bet of $80 and the older gentleman folded. Basically, he played his hand like a pussy and let the other guy take down the pot, nothing wrong with that a lot of hands go down the same way. The younger guy however, showed his ace-queen and that set the old gentleman off and he started talking to himself, it was hilarious.

"Watch these young guys come in and think they know how to play, did you just see him? huh? He made a raise with an ace-queen and I had a CLEARLY SUPERIOR HAND and I lost the pot. I don't understand how I'm stuck a thousand dollars, I really don't understand it. I had a much better hand and I just keep getting ran over, I don't understand what is wrong with this game. You can probably not play any better than I'm playing right now it's just all these young guys that haven't been around poker as long as me that keep thinking they can play when they keep raising with such garbage hands."

This was quite funny to me as the young guy who apparently in the mind of this old guy was a total idiot, ended up dragging the pot after all. This just kept going on and on and on until I eventually switched tables because he had talked the entire table into playing nothing but aces and I hate tables like that. They're excruciatingly boring. Jamie was playing next to me and he was being slapped around like a red-headed step child. Every time Jamie put a chip in a pot they'd come out of the woodwork and there'd be fifteen people waiting in line to raise his ass. He got sick of the abuse and picked up the remaining chips and left the table and I sat down and took his seat. I of course went on a heater as soon as I sat down in his seat (good job Jamie, thanks buddy) and doubled through and ended up winning about $1100. We also had dinner in their bar/restaurant thing which was very nice except my Philly Cheesesteak absolutely sucked. They did have something very neat though which was these glass bottles of water that were like a zillion bucks a piece for water distilled in Norway and in these high-tech bottles that you paid like $4 for but could recycle for $.05. That seemed fair enough to me, so the bottle itself is worth a nickel but three gulps of water goes for $3,95.

We then left the Red Rock, looked at some apartments that were for rent up in Summerlin real quickly before heading down to the Bellagio. We just hung around there for a little while, didn't really play, and drove to the rental car place at five in the morning to return our rental. I miss our car already. It wasn't quite as nice as the one we drove from Tennessee to Oklahoma to Vegas in but it was decent. The following day we got up with the rooster again, just shy of 6 pm. The Vegas rooster likes to go out and kick it at night and he's always hung over until late afternoon therefore he doesn't wake up until then either, so there. We went down to the Rio in a cab since we don't have a rental car anymore, to check out the World Series of Poker. Cab fare from here to there is $43. That's ridiculous. Anyway, we walk in to the WSOP and Jamie kept telling me "Are you ready to see this? I mean really, are you?" .. I said 'Yep!" and we walk into a HUGE room with a sea of tables. Two hundred tables to be exact. The room hosts 2200 people when they play tournaments, plus all the staff. Now that's a huge fucking poker room. It puts the Tunica poker room with fourteen tables or whatever it is to shame. Wow. I do think they need to apply for a legal license somewhere to put as many donkeys in the same room as they will be doing under the WSOP, it is after all the poker donk-fest of the century. I can't wait to play some tournaments.

Just walking in there made me wanna play, so I got into some single table satellites immediately. We met up with Eskimo over there that is a good friend of Jamies, and I swear it never ceases to surprise me how many fucking people Jamie knows. I mean we walk literally twenty feet and somebody stops us and asks Jamie how he's doing and that it has been a while. It it wild. Anyway, I've never been to a Series before so it was pretty neat to see all the pros just walking around. Howard Lederer, Chris "Jesus" Ferguson and a bunch of others. In the one single table satellite I did good in and chopped for $1120 I was playing with the 2002 WSOP main event champion Robert Varkonyi. He was actually a really nice guy too. When he sat down at the table, somebody yelled out "No bracelet-holders allowed at this table!" and this middle-eastern guy perked up and said "Who? Who has a bracelet?" somebody joked and said "The kid in the one seat" (that was me) and I never said anything back. Varkonyi just grinned. A little bit later, the middle eastern guy raises a pot and I called with QJ of hearts. The flop came A-K-9 and he checks, I check... turn comes a 10 giving me the nuts. He goes all-in with a huge overbet, I call, he shows three aces and I all but bust him out leaving him with one chip left. He started saying "It's ridiculous how bad these bracelet holders play, look, see! He goes and busts my TWO ACES. I knew those bracelet guys can't play at all!"

I found that so funny for some reason, somebody eventually informed him that I wasn't the bracelet holder. Or actually he said, "I meant the other guy, I don't know if the kid has a bracelet, do you?" (asking me) and I said "No, not yet!" and Varkonyi chimed in and said "Oh you can buy mine!" he only wanted a very modest seven-figures for it too, what a steal.

We stayed there for several hours and Jamie introduced me to a lot of people. This floor-manager Tony that had been around Vegas for forty years. He was just full of stories about all the old-timers and things they had done. He told us many of them, but one I remember was Jack "Treetop" Strauss playing a huge movie star I had never heard of but that was really big back in the day whom I can't even remember the name of now. If I get any details of it wrong, I apologize but re-telling it from memory. They were playing for $20,000 each and this was in like 1974 or something. Anyway, the movie star had bet before the flop, Strauss had called and before they dealt the flop... Strauss asked if he wanted to trade cards. The guy said, sure, and they traded cards. The flop was dealt and the moviestar bet, Strauss raised and the movie star called. The turn Strauss bet again, the moviestar called. On the river, Strauss goes all-in and the moviestar called. Strauss asked him, "Why would you do that? You know what I had?" and the guy replied "Yeah, but I forgot what cards I gave you!"

He also introduced me to Joe Bartholis father who was very cool and also had a lot of stories of his own. Then when I was playing a satellite, Jamie comes and taps me on the shoulder and said, "hey there's another guy I want you to meet" and I look behind me and Joe Bartholi the WPT $25k winner for $3,7 million was standing behind me. Him and Jamie apparently knew each other for years too. As I said, it's amazing to me how many people he knows. Joe seemed like a very cool and laid-back guy that wasn't starstruck at all.

After this, it was off to the Bellagio. Here we met even more people. He introduced me to Jean-Robert Bellande and we were sitting there sweating him and talking to him for like four hours. He was playing $150/300 half and half Badugi and Triple Draw 2-7 and then a little later they kicked it up to $200/400 straight Badugi. He was also a very cool guy, funny as hell. He talks more shit than Mississippis own Tim Burt, and I never thought I'd find anyone who did that. Actually, that's not entirely true, Tim when he's being drawn out on might talk even more than Jean-Robert. Anyway, Bellande was playing three-handed when one of his opponents made some weird play and Bellande told the other guy that was playing, "Lee, Lee listen to me, we gotta kick it up to 200/400. If he's going to keep doing shit like that and play like that we need to kick it up and play higher. You listening to me Lee, we're making it 200/400, he can't keep playing like this."

It was hilarious. Anyway, I played only like an hour of $5/10 no limit and picked up exactly $500 and we ordered some table-side food service while we were sweating Jean-Robert. I had some breakfast wrap that was awesome, with bacon, egg, cheese and sausage and cereal. Jamie had a NY strip steak I believe. It was $70 total with tip. That is pretty sick to me. I also got introduced to "Devilfish" another pro-poker player that Jamie knows, he was slumming around in the 15/30 game picking up hot chicks while playing. After watching Bellande play for several hours we decided to leave at about eight in the morning and go back to the hotel. It definitely was neat. I have to admit it is very cool to meet all these pros, I'm not used to being around the whole Vegas scene so it's still all new to me and it is great. As Jamie said, to him it's not anything special since he knew the guys before they became big-time. Anyway, that's about it. I woke up now at 4pm, hopefully I can go to sleep somewhat early tonight. I bought into the first official event of the World Series of Poker, the $1500 No Limit Hold'em event on Tuesday. It will probably draw 2500 people and have a several hundred thousand prize for first. It will definitely be a long-shot but hey, it's all about a little bit of timing in the right places and I know I can win a bracelet too. It's just a matter of a lot of luck when the fields are so big, but I'm playing well right now so looking forward to it. I still haven't decided on how many events I'm playing during the WSOP it all depends on how it goes.

All it takes is a little bit of bitching

My usual setup. Pocketfives.com in the background and a chat window.

In the light of the last post when I was tired of running bad, I'm loving that I finally ran good. I played a tournament today when I woke up which was a $109 rebuy tournament, which means for the first hour when you bust out you can buy back in. Hence the re-buy. Duh.

Anyhow, I was playing some cashgames and got myself conveniently stuck a couple of thousand and then closed my cashgame tables and focused only on the tournament. I won a key hand with two kings against two fours all-in preflop and got a bunch of chips, and then I won't babble too much more about poker but I took the tournament down eventually for $12,800. I ran pretty good and I also played very well in my own mind, but certainly luck was on my side also.

Me and Jamie decided we're going to celebrate this in a big way, Las Vegas style. So we walk down to Jack-in-the-Box or whatever the place is called and bought a Spicy Chicken Sandwich... I even added cheese for an extra $0.50 because I felt like spending some serious money. Not only this, it gets better, I supersized my coke. After this little spending spree we decided that we gotta take it easy and go back to the room, and he went to lay down in his room and I'm just chilling infront of the TV taking it easy. I just got done talking to Big Chris who asked me if I needed money because he heard rumors in Tunica that I had gone bust. That doesn't sound like fun. I assured him I was doing fine, actually splendid after that tournament but thanks anyway. I don't know what the plans are for tonight, we've kind of been lazy about doing things since we only have the rental car for another couple of days so Shawn and Jamie needs to use it for work and after they're done working we'll probably end up going to the Strip more often. I still wanna go see the Forum Shops at Caesars and go to the Stratosphere for their insane rides at the top of the Stratosphere.

I'll probably end up updating the blog later tonight again, for now, ciao.

Getting donked left and right

Right now is one of those times. I haven't put in hardly any hours at the tables at all. Me and Jamie went down to Bellagio to play, Jamie gets stacked fairly early and leaves and I stay to play a little longer having a targetted donk in mind that is waiting to give his money away. To make a long story short and not have this to be too much about poker, I have K-10, he has 10-7, the flop comes 10-5-2 and we get $500 a piece in on the flop (The fact that I do this with my subpar hand is the fact that he's a stone cold retard), a 7 peels off right on the turn and ships him the slightly above $1000 pot. It's just par for the course for the last couple of weeks.

Then we went over to leave and Jamie introduced me to Mike Laing. I've read stories about Mike Laing way before I ever met Jamie and I read about him in the book 'The Professor, The Banker and the Suicide King" which features a really cool story about Mike Laing and how good of a guy he is. Anyhow, he introduces me to him and we talk for a little bit when Mike tells us a story. He goes, "Look over at that table", he points and we look. I sat over there and ate two kings. Jamie goes, "You did what?"... "I ate two kings"... "What did you say?".. "I ate a pair of kings"

Jamie goes, "Shit that's what I thought you said I just didn't think I heard you right!"... then he proceeds to tell us a story about how he lost a $6000 pot with two kings and got so mad he was just staring at his two cards in his hand. The dealer told him, "Mike, you gotta give me the cards back"... "No"... "Mike, give me the cards back"... "No"... then he tears them up in little pieces, stuffs them in his mouth and tries to swallow it down with a shot of jack. Apparently they get caught in his throat and he ends up trying to throw them back up in the bathroom and he's unable to. He takes a plastic coathanger, bends it up and stuffs it down his throat and that doesn't work either. He goes for some other thing he made into a hook and starts jabbing around in his throat when he sees blood. Uh-oh, time to go to the hospital. He went to the hospital and got everything taken care of etc but the story was fucking funny. Mike Laing is by far one of the funniest characters I've ever ran into.

We drive back home and get some food then I get on the computer to play some online. I normally get quite upset when I lose money for a longer period of time but I felt surprisingly fine, I keep getting my money in good spots and eventually it has to turn around. I get online and I have a terrible session of suck-outs online and I was really getting frustrated. For you people that play poker, have you ever had the feeling when you get dealt two aces that your pulse goes up like it does mine sometimes when I flop a set in a big pot? Just because you're afraid you're going to get stacked? I always wish someone makes a bet so I can just move all-in and close my eyes. How every flop I see I think to myself, "Oh god he flopped , I must be dead."

It doesn't matter what happens I always expect the worst, takes a little bit of the fun out of it. I've been up playing for about two hours and goofed around for another five hours just chatting to people online and reading myspace and crap like that. If I can just go to sleep and wake up in a few hours, me and Jamie are giving the Bellagio another shot I think. Take care.

Chillin' like a villain, rollin' with Bob Dylan

Another day in Sin City, of course you all are waiting to hear about the crazy partying, shooting craps for thousands of dollars, doing lines of coke and spending money on strippers because that's what people in Vegas do, don't they? Well we hung back in the room most of the day, went to eat at Roma Pizza where their buddy Luigi makes like the bestestest pizza in the fucking world and then we went bowling. This is a little too much excitement for a single day but we managed to get it all in there. First we went to Luigis pizza place, and he's pretty damn funny. He let us eat there for free too and makes awesome food. Then we were going to go play bowling but neither Shawn or Jamie have any socks on because that's how they roll. So we had to go back to the room to pick up some socks. They said they're gonna run right up and grab some socks and come back to the car, I was sitting just waiting in the car listening to radio.

About three minutes pass and I get a call from Jamie, "Fuck it, I'm not going bowling, you guys can go by yourselves." Dear Lord, the drama has started again. Ever since about three days ago both Shawn and Jamie have been like two little arguing girls that keep getting into fights over stupid shit, it's retarded. Occasionally out of the blue Shawn will be a smartass to Jamie because of something Jamie did earlier and talk to him like he's a child which Jamie absolutely loves, then Jamie will flip out and has to hold back the urges to slap Shawn and then all of a sudden it's a weird silence when nobody says anything for a couple minutes. If anyone wants to trade friends, you can have these two fucked up crackheads and I'll take two of your friends. If it's a hot chick, I'll trade two for one. I'm not even joking, take these fuckers from me asap.

Shawn can play bowling fairly well, knows how to do Sudoko puzzles super-fast and he is voted New York Metro Areas sexiest unknown man for the third year in a row. He likes long walks bare-foot on the pavement in 108 degree heat and he's a cat lover as a cat coughing up a furball reminds him of Jamies coughing disorder. He likes to call himself pleasantly plump with a hint of naughtiness, for whatever it is worth.

Shawn

Jamie on the other hand can put twenty quarters in a slot-machine faster than anybody, likes to write romantic notes on his laptop and does 200 sit-ups a day. While he likes to cough up things with a sound that is close to a dying mans last breath he is a very laid back and reasonable person. His motto in life is "don't sweat the small stuff" which can be loosely translated into "don't sweat a fucking thing at all", as nothing short of the world coming to an end tomorrow phases him.

Jamie

Now if either of these people interest you and you want to take them off of my hands then by all means give me a call, I would post my phone number but I don't need random freaks calling me in the middle of the night breathing heavy in my ear.

Back to the bowling game, since the Oklahoma Slaughter of '06 as it commonly will be known, when I beat him so badly in pool he still randomly bursts into tears thinking about the beating he recieved, I figured I have to let him win at something. He opened up the first game with a strike, and I of course had to set the tone so he couldn't think he was going to get ahead by bowling a strike myself. Then after this, I more or less decided to take it easy on him... that's my story and I'm sticking to it. He won the first game like 147 to 132, the second 158 to 108 and the last game I fucking forfeited because bowling sucks ass and only faggots bowl. My brother is a swedish pro-bowler so hopefully he won't read this, but incase he does read it, I'm sorry and I still hope you'll buy me a birthday present. After this we went to Wal-Mart and bought ourselves a wireless router as our internet went down over here, so we plugged it up to the wall and connected it and everything worked fine. Then I decided that I want to put a WEP-key on it to prevent other donks from surfing our web. I managed to put the security feature on there so fucking good I locked myself out, it was very smart. "Good job, Swede!" I hear being yelled from Jamie in the other room, "What the fuck Swede, good fucking job" I hear from Shawn. I like my supportive friends. After about ten minutes of struggling with connecting to my own fucking router I manage to figure out what the key I chose for it actually was. I smart boy. Tomorrow I might go and play some, I have played very very little poker here since I got here but tomorrow I think I'm gonna go play. Maybe.

First Vegas session in the books

I woke up at around 8 AM and laid in the room just messing around online to about 10, showered and got ready and drove myself down to Bellagio to play some. Jamie and Shawn were still sleeping but I figured they could always take a taxi down there and catch up with me. I came down to the Bellagio poker room and as soon as I got in, I heard them call out "Immediate seating for 5-10 No Limit Hold'em." and I sat down and bought in for $1000. I played for about 45 minutes and I never won a hand or ever really got involved in a hand, I lost $60 and went over to play a $130 satellite into a $530 daily tournament at the Bellagio. It was a single table, ten man tournament that paid two seats to the tournament. I hung back early, never really played many hands, started playing hyper aggressive around 100/200 and increased my stack from T900 to about T2400 without a showdown. The blinds went up yet again and I kept up my raising, I still never had a single showdown but I picked up some big hands. I had AKs, QQ, AQs, 99 all within six hands. I never got into a showdown with any of them. With four people left, I had T4900 with 15000 in play so I held about a third of the chips and was in the lead. The man who was under the gun, asked the dealer how much longer until the blinds go up, I took that as a direct question "How much longer do I have before I need to make my move?". She responded "Forty-five seconds", he looked down at his cards and pushed all-in immediately. It folded around to me in the big blind and I asked for a count, it was 1500 more and I had K-Jo. I decided to call thinking his range of hands would be quite wide at this point and he had A-Q and his hand held up. I was down to 3000 but still in decent shape. A couple hands pass, and I pick up K-10 of hearts. The current chipleader folds under the gun, I push all-in, it folds to the big blind who has 2100 chips. He calls instantly with pocket threes. He won that race as well, when a three hit the turn and gave me a flush-draw but I missed the flush on the river, and I was down to only 900 chips with 200/400 blinds. The very next hand, the chipleader is in the blind and I'm under the gun four handed. I look down at Q2o. A highly marginal hand but it's either this hand or the next hand, I put it all-in thinking I might not get anything better than queen high in the blind. It folded to the BB who called with 83 and my hand held up and I doubled through. Then I forfeit my big blind to a raise, and move in from the small blind with Q4 against the big blind who was a super tight player but who happened to have AK of hearts. I hit a queen on the turn and a four on the river for two-pair and was back in the game. The blinds were now 300/600 and I pushed all-in a few times picking up blinds to stay afloat, we knocked out the fourth guy and I had 4200 chips with 300/600 blinds. I was first to act and looked down at T-5 of clubs, yet again extremely marginal but with 900 chips out there, and both of them playing quite tight I decided to push. I grabbed my chips, stacked them on top of each other and was about to push them in when I got a real bad feeling, I stopped for a second but decided to push anyway. Small blind insta pushes over the top of me and I know I'm done, he flips up pocket queens and I went home in third on the bubble.

I then went to play some 2/5 blinds NLH, bought in for the max ($500) and the game was ramming and jamming. I saw a guy raise to $50 preflop in early position with K6 of hearts, bet $120 on the flop that held a flushdraw and then call $380 more all-in and spike a flush on the turn.

I raised to $25 with AQ, the same guy reraises me $75 more for a hundred total. I don't like my hand too much in this spot but had a feeling I might have two overs, it was a decent size reraise and I gave him 8's thru jacks, which may or may not have been correct, I called. Flop came down 5-3-2 with two diamonds, I have the ace of diamonds. I check to him, he bets $150 into the $250 pot. I thought for a moment and thought I most likely have 10 outs with some fold equity considering he's a half maniac, incase my read was off and he's just holding air... that was my train of thought that led to my very poor check-raise all-in push that had him call with two queens. I now was reduced to 7 outs that failed to materialize and I left the game thinking "Wow, I'm really a donkey."

I went over to the $10/20 NL and sat down with $2000 in the game. I ran into a guy I play a lot with down in Tunica, at the Horseshoe, what are the odds? He was also in the game and I knew I recognized him from somewhere and I was in the middle of trying to figure out where when he said, "Tunica, Horseshoe right? You have a house outside Memphis?" I said, "Yeah, I was trying to figure out where I've played with you!"

Anyhow, I win a couple pots and I lose a couple pots feeling quite confident about my play still. I usually play 2/5 or 5/10 NLH so 10/20 is a step up for me. I have only played 10/20 once live before and a handful of times online but I felt pretty good about it as I right off the bat identified about four or five mediocre to poor players. It was a very loose and aggressive game. A guy opened up under the gun for $100, second to act calls, I call with 10-7 of diamonds, two more people call putting $530 in the pot going to the flop. The flop came down Ad 9d 6s giving me a flushdraw with a gutshot. The pre-flop raiser bets $300 into the pot, and I'm thinking he's got a big ace, second guy folds and it's up to me. I look down at my stack and I have $1500 and change, I thought about how to play it and figured I'm just going to shove here as my hand is big enough to warrant it and it might get a few hands to fold. I shove, it goes back around to him, he asks for a count. The dealer pulls the $300 and starts counting but the man interrupts him and says, "Nevermind, I call.", I'm thinking please get lucky this time I've been running poorly lately so just give me a diamond or an eight and get it over with. Turn comes with a deuce of diamonds giving me a flush, dealer burns and turns and river is a brick. I'm thinking "Ship it!" when he rolls over KQ of diamonds for the nut flush. Wow, that's one hand I didn't put into the equation. I tap the table, tell him good hand, shake the hand of the guy from Tunica and said I'll probably be back later and walked off to the garage and drove home. That sucked.

Viva Las Vegas

I just felt like fucking up Jamies self-portrait, no, I don't do crack.

We started driving from Oklahoma at about 8 pm at night, Shawn was going to drive only for an hour to Oklahoma City where yours truly was going to take over. Somehow I fell asleep and woke up a few hours later somewhere in New Mexico, after we had already passed through all of Texas. It's just something about riding in a car at night that makes me sleepy. I do remember waking up outside Oklahoma City to a pretty badass thunderstorm, the whole sky just lit up 360 degrees around us when we were in the middle of it all, and it was pouring down rain. Shawn had to drive like 40mph and most of the 18-wheelers on the road were pulled over to the side of the road, it was wild. It took about an hour and a half I would guess to get through the bad storm and make it out. We stopped somewhere along the road at Wal-Mart and ran in to buy a wire for Jamies Playstation Portable so he could play games in the car. We were walking around the electronics department when I said, man, I want to get a portable DVD player so I can watch some movies in the car. I bought my, well, ex I guess you could call it a portable DVD player for her birthday and it seemed pretty cool so I wanted one too. I was just basically talking out loud saying I'd like to have one when Jamie goes "Well, buy one then."

How am I supposed to respond to that? I said "Ok, deal." and the woman working at Wal-Mart started laughing and told Jamie he's hired, that was the fastest sales-pitch speech that worked that she had heard. So incase this doesn't work out, or his underwear-model gig doesn't make it he can always work at Wal-Mart in Oklahoma. I bought the DVD-player, the cheapo version and the movie Boondock Saints. Somehow neither Shawn or Jamie have seen it, and I absolutely love the movie. It's cool as hell, but Shawn seems to refuse to want to watch it out of principle. I'll make him watch it before it's over, no doubt.

The DVD player in action

I took over driving somewhere in New Mexico and drove through Albuquerque and to somewhere in Arizona where we stopped at a place called the Petrified Forest National Park. It was apparently a forest... that was petrified. Cool. It was cool enough that I went into their souvenir store and bought a whole bunch of stuff, as I did at every souvenir store that we ran into! After we got through there Jamie eventually took over, he drove for about an hour and forty-five until we were almost in Nevada and Shawn took over the last bit over the Hoover Dam. The funny part is that I've always wanted to travel cross-country in a car in the United States ever since I was little, I very much remember being eight years old in school making these crayondrawings of a desert, with a road going straight up towards a mountain and cacti on the side of the road and it was very bizarre when I saw that exact scenario for real. It's tough to explain and probably sounds strange for most people but it was like I had finally gotten to do what I wanted to do since I was a kid. I had a ton of fun riding in the car, and seeing some different states. I'm all about travelling anyway.

Petrified Forest


Very tired travelers outside of the Hoover Dam
That also marks the state-line between Arizona and Nevada

I just woke up and I'm still pretty tired so I keep forgetting all the funny anecdotes that happened in the car but I swear I wish we could have a hidden camera in the car or the apartment we live in at any given time, the spin-offs on eachothers jokes and quick wit is sometimes priceless. I spend 75% of my day just laughing my ass off, I love these guys. Now while I reach for my Kleenex after my Oprah's Emotional Moment of the Day (tm) and go back to being the macho manly-man that you all know me as I'll tell you what I've seen of Vegas so far. They introduced me to some of their buddies here in Vegas they've known for a while, some very interesting and compelling characters I'll tell you that much. The stories they had to tell and things like that is very fascinating, Vegas is such a cool town anyway. I have yet to go to a casino, we ate at an AMAZING buffet at the Rio but that's about it. Me and Shawn rode down the Strip early morning too so I could see all the casinos up-close and it was just awesome. The Luxor, New York-New York, Bellagio, Monte Carlo, Mandalay Bay... hell all of them, the architecture is just unreal. If just lazy-boy (Jamie) will get out of the fucking shower already we can go and I'm going to put in my first few hours at the tables. We had to rent a new car today and it was supposed to be $130 a week. Because I'm under 25 and because I have no insurance in my own name they bumped it a measly 400% up to $550 a week instead. That together with the place we're staying at, makes it around a grand a week just for living expenses. I better do good at the tables. We're staying in some extended stay apartment-ish hotel called Siena Suites, and it's quite nice. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, kitchen and a livingroom. Wireless internet, gym and a pool is all included, not a bad place at all. It was about $1500 a month but we only got it for a week to start things off.

More updates to come later.

Kicking ass and taking shots

I finally somewhat recovered after the tournament bullshit and decided life was semi-worthwhile living for a while and went downstairs to the casino with Shawn and Jamiepoo to grab a bite to eat. We finished up eating and went to the poker room and I didn't feel like playing at all, Jamie didn't feel like playing either but Shawn went right to work. He sat down in a $1-5 Stud table and tried to act all big bully world champion and run the table over with a complete bluff. He put about $24 in running his bluff all the way to the river and got called by an old lady and she dragged the monsterous $50 pot which was most likely the biggest pot that stud table has seen in months. Shawn of course was pissed off. "How can she god damn call me with two pair how the fuck can you call that bullshit".

She read him like a book, I'm not sure if it was his quivering lip, his shaking hands or the enormous amount of sweat flowing down his forehead that gave it away but whatever it was she picked up on it and called his ass down. Good girl, put that fucker in his place. Unfortunately, this wasn't the only time Shawn was going to get schooled today, he had a pretty rough day. I suggested that we would go play pool. Jamie being the up-beat social person that he is decided that he was going to take a nap and that we could suck his dick. That did sound like a good idea but since we had just ate, we passed on it and just me and Shawn went to play pool. We got directions from a dealer how to get to the pool-hall and took off driving. Poor little Shawn had no idea what he was getting into. We came over to the pool-place and they had a bunch of different tables. He asks me do you want to play on regulation tables or whateverthefucktheotheronesarecalled? Huh? What? I want to play on a fucking pool-table with pockets and a felt, the fuck are you talking about? That was about all I could think of, he started quoting how one type of table was 9 by 6 and another was 7,5 by something else and at this point, I'm wondering if I picked a bad mark to try to hustle. He might know what he's doing after all. We rack up the first rack and he takes off swinging, I let my breath out because I realize that I have nothing to be worried about. The half-blind man playing in the seniors section behind us just made shots out of the blue without even looking at the table, as he could barely see, and he still did better than Shawn.

I smoked him in the first game after he pocketed the eight-ball, and this is when he got the nickname Captain Scratch. I will give him one thing, he did pocket a ball nearly every shot, it just rarely was one he aimed at, it was even more rare that it was one of his balls. It often was one of mine or the cueball, but you know, it's the thought that counts, right?

He spotted this smoking hot chick playing pool all by herself over on one of the tables in the middle. He kept eyeing her as I have to admit it was pretty hot when she racked up as she was nice enough to bend over and show her rack too, he kept telling me "I should ask her to come over here and play." Sure enough, about fifteen minutes later two other goobers that looked pretty young come walking in and ask her to play with them, which she did. This set him off too and I think this might have partly been why he played so bad, I mean it has to have been some other reason than the fact that he plain sucks.

I ended up going easy on the poor guy and we finished the game 9-8 in my favor. I let him have a lead of 8 to 6 before I decided to start playing and came back and swept the last three games. I don't think he said a single word for about five minutes, he was crushed. We then came back to the casino and Jamies buddies Angie and her daughter Ashley, with her friend Stefanie were over at the casino down here. Angie is the local slot-machine and video-poker addict, I believe, and she is married to Frankie whose lakehouse we visited the other day. Still following?

Ashley and Stefanie

So Angie went off to gamble and the girls and Jamie decided they were going to go drinking and Ashley immediately asks, "Who wants a red-headed slut?" That was awful straight-forward, I thought? She could atleast have asked me for my last name and her hair wasn't even very red, I was confused but I thought what the hell, could be fun. I start to work on my belt buckle when she informs me it's a type of drink. Oh. Silly me. I don't function well on liquor so I figured that's a brilliant idea. We have a few drinks, and a few beers all while Jamie is still sipping on the first beer he bought some odd hours ago. There's no shit that the man is broke when he clutches the bottle he bought like it's a piece of caribbean treasure he doesn't want to give up, it could be that, or that he just doesn't like getting too drunk. Shawn is downing beers a little bit rapidly as he had quite a few losses today he had to try to forget. He got beat in Stud, he got smoked at pool and somehow his amazing Phillies lost another game. I swear every other day when we wake up, he usually turns on the TV and you hear the traditional, "FUCK!" yelled out loudly and it's always the same thing. The Phillies lost another game. I mean I'm not much of a bandwagon supporter who only supports my team during winning streaks but holy shit, enough has to be enough.

Anyway, I get kind of tired around noon as I slept all of two hours the previous night still replaying the tournament hands in my head until I went crazy. I'm fucked up like that. I've always said I'd like to have Dr Phil try to figure out what goes on in my head at times, I think both me and him could be surprised at what he might find. Anyhow, we stay downstairs and chit-chat with the boys and girls when we all go upstairs to the suite to hang out for a little bit, I guess. I was feeling sort of drunk and tired so I fell asleep at midnight in the bed and they left to go downstairs again, at 2:30 in the morning they storm back in again giggling and screaming like banshees. Ashley and Stephanie both stumble in and Ashley feels a little "sick" and had to go "rest" a while in the "bathroom". Stefanie laid down on the couch, Shawn slept in the chair and Jamie was playing with his cock under the covers in his bed. That's how he rolls. I put on the iPod and tried to go to sleep but kept getting woke up by all the giggling retards, I went back downstairs, came up again and tried to sleep, then rinse and repeat same procedure again. At about six in the morning, I guess, Ashley's mom Angie came up and gave us the report for how she did playing slots.



As you can tell by the picture, she didn't win millions. She could have, though. She just didn't. They take off out of here and we go downstairs to the poker room, just me and Shawn. I decided to get in a game together with Brent (Brant?) however the hell you spell the guys name in a 10/20 NL. He's a cool ass dude that Jamie introduced me to down here in Tulsa, apparently Jamie knows all the cool people, which is why he hangs out with me obviously. Duh. We played for a few hours until Jamiepoo comes downstairs and decides to take a shot himself in the game. I was already a decent loser after a guy busted me out of a thousand or so, and was making a come-back when Jamie finally makes a big hand. He flops a flushdraw with a gutshot straight draw against a guy who held two queens on a jack-high board. The pot was just over 1600 dollars and even though the guy with the queens read him so absolutely perfectly and made a brilliant call, Jamie hit his flush on the turn and dragged the pot. That would've normally have been good news but the motherfucker that he beat in the pot was ME. Go figure he gets lucky and sucks out in a big pot when he's playing against me, god that was fucking awful. We then go back up to the room and that's sort of where we're at now. I was tired as a motherfucker six hours ago but it's now nine in the morning and I'm wide awake. I make no sense.

Tournament Report from Tulsa, OK

There's been a whole lot that happened the last couple of days, but I'll try to find some end to start at. How about telling a bad beat story, that's a good start. And for all you motherfuckers that just skipped this entire paragraph after I started writing "bad beat story" I hope you burn in hell. I played a $130 tournament yesterday with about 460 people in it. It paid 36 spots. I got off to a decent start, fucked those chips off in a hurry and was floating around average until we were about 80 people left. I got moved to a table with a guy who had all the chippies sitting on my left, and I played with him the other night and I knew he was a full-blown donkafied superstar so I put the ol' target right on his forehead (not literally) and went to work! I was sort of short chipped at first so I laid down a lot of big hands that I'd normally raise with because I wanted to get a big hand to bust him with, since he liked to call a lot pre-flop.

I looked down at ace-seven and being the disciplined player that I am, that was the big hand I had been waiting for. I raised it to 1800 with 300/600 blinds, having a stack of 8000. He immediately said 'raise' and I took the chip off of my card ready to muck it, as I wasn't planning on calling a raise. He raised the absolute minimum though, and made it 3000. It was only 1200 more to me, and I decided I would call as I put him on a big pair and hoped to spike an ace. As I put my chips out there, he said "please no ace, please no ace" and that sort of confirmed my thought that he had kings or queens. First card out was an ace, followed by four four. I knew I was good, and I checked, he bet $1400, I moved allin for my remaining $2400 and he folded two kings. Somehow I was supposed to have two kings and trap the donkey who plays bullshit hands like A-7 to a raise but things never go the way you plan.

Then right before the break, I was sitting at about 15000 chips, still 300/600. A lady limps in, I complete the small blind with 9-7 and he checked his big blind option. The flop came down gin, Kh 7d 7c. I checked, he bet $2000, and I called. Turn was a three of diamonds, putting a diamond flush-draw out. I checked again, he says "I'm all-in" and I insta-called. He yells out "FUCK" and tables K-2 of diamonds for top pair with flushdraw. I dodge the diamond on the river and take a monster pot that puts me in the chiplead. I then proceed to play accordingly with my stack and I chip up from 30k to about 40k just taking down blinds. Then a tight player raises it in early position and I look down at aces. I thought about how to play this, and I figured he hasn't raised with a bad hand yet plus I have been in a lot of pots bullying the table so I thought if I move it all-in here I might get a call from 99-KK and AQ/AK. I just moved all-in and it folds around to him, he thinks for a while and calls with 10-10 and I win a big pot that puts me at about 60,000 chips. We're now well into the money and down to last three tables, I chip up from 60,000 to 98,000 without a showdown just taking down blinds and re-raising people trying to steal the blinds, we're now down to 12 people and I am feeling extremely confident and I am absolutely sure I am going to win this.

That's when it went to shit. I had a guy on my right that had about 90,000 chips when I had 98,000 and the average was about 27,000 so we were both huge in chips. I already decided I wasn't going to tangle with him too much, and that's when he limps in on my blind. The blinds are 600/1200 and I raise it an additional 4000 with J-10. He calls. Flop came down J-9-8 and he checks, I check behind to keep the pot small and the turn comes a 5. He checks again, I bet 6000, he minimum raises me to 12000 and I call. River is a 7 giving me the straight, he bets 10000 and I just call. He tables Q-10 for the flopped nuts, and higher straight and I'm down to 70,000 in chips.

The very next hand, I pick up two kings in the small blind. Someone limped under the gun, the guy on my right who just won that pot off of me limps in on the button. I decide to raise it real big to make it look like I'm steaming from the last pot so I made it 12,000 to go leaving myself with 58,000. The guy who limped on the button called and he's the only one at the table who can break me. The flop comes down 10h 7h 3s. I think for a little while and I then push it all-in, thinking I'm going to take it down right here. He studies for a moment and decides to call, and he flips up K-10. I'm already sick about it as I'm thinking dear god no ten. Whoever wins this pot will be an enormous chipleader and pretty much secured a top three finish, that's when the dealer burns and turns and there it is, a big fat fucking ten. I just stood up and walked off, I didn't collect my prize money ($400) or anything I just took off. I was so sick about it I didn't know what to do with myself, I played 7 hours of the best poker of my life and I feel like I got completely fucked out of a win that surely was mine. I didn't play any poker at all the day after that I just felt so sick about it, and I still do. If that ten doesn't roll off, I don't think there's a chance in hell I get anything but first. But that's how brutal tournament poker can be.

Cowboys and Indians

We finally made it to Oklahoma. It took a little while before we got here, but we're finally here. We left Tunica at about 3 AM on Sunday morning in the car I've got, a Ford Contour. We made it about 30 miles when the power in the car went out for a split-second and came back on again, we decided if we can't make it out of the county line then we might as well not try to make it to Nevada. We turned around, and of course Jamie was tired as he always is so he went to take a nap while me and Shawn drove to Memphis' airport to rent a car. Since we both are all for the economical version and nothing flashy or extravagant we decided we'd rent a Ford Pinto if we had to just to save a couple hundred bucks. That lasted about half a minute when we entered the parking lot of the place we rented the car from. I saw a car I thought was so badass that I really thought we should get it, it was a gray Dodge Magnum that rides extremely nice. The car itself was $880 as opposed to $720 for their cheapest version, it was supposed to be even more than that since it was in their super premium class of cars or whatever but the crooked guy behind the counter did inform us that he indeed took bribes if we wanted to rent it cheaper.

Normally you have to add $25 a day for being an under 25 years old driver, and since I'm 23 that would pose a problem. Both Shawn and Jamie are older, but neither have a credit card, he said he'd make me 25 years old plus upgrade our car-class for $75. I slipped him $75 under his notepad and he made things happen. We took off in the car and I ended up driving it up to Jamies buddys lakehouse an hour outside of Tulsa. This could have been the bitter end, for me anyhow, since at the lakehouse his buddy Frankie has a death-defying machine known as a Banshee.

The infamous Banshee

It's a four-wheeler that has no problems running up to 90mph on a dirt road. Jamie of course, being the crazy lobotomized dare-devil that he is (the same guy that thinks commercial airlines are dangerous) offered me to ride on the back while he took ol' Banshee out for a spin. As much as I love putting my life into somebody elses hands on a machine that looked just as badass as the name implies, I had to pass. Jamie would have none of that of course, and before I knew it was on the back of the four-wheeler from hell hanging on for dear life while Jamie tried to see if he could match the speed of sound by riding that thing about as hard as it would let him. This wasn't all of it though, he decided he wanted to do wheelies too. That sounds like fun... a lot of fun to watch, less fun to sit on the back wondering when the fuck we are going to tip over and how much it would hurt to land on my back with Jamies ass squashing me together with the Banshee all while doing about 50 mph on a dirt road. I said a silent prayer and he started pulling some wheelies through several gears, which was quite impressive and I probably would've given him an applause if my hands weren't shaking so badly.

We went to eat with Frankie and then said bye as we went to Tulsa, to find ourselves a room. The first two nights we stayed at the Hampton Inn as the Cherokee Resort was completely full. The poker room is in the Cherokee Resort so it'd be much nicer to stay there, we figured. I was so exhausted I slept 16 hours straight once we got to the hotel room, and got up to play the following day. The play here is extraordinarily bad, I have to say. I played some $2/5 no limit hold'em and the very first hand I play I get bluffed by some complete moron after I mis-played the living shit out of my own hand. I lost about $180 in the hand, which wasn't a big deal. I had bought in originally for five hundred and I added another five since I realized that I like this table. A couple hands later I pick up 7-7 and call a raise, flop comes down 10c 7c 5h and I check, the old man checks and the bluffing moron I've been wanting to catch for a while bets $40. I just smooth-call the $40 and the old man says, "I raise." This was music to my ears, he made it $140 and the bluffing moron (BF) thought forever before he folded. I pushed all-in, the old man quickly called with Kc 4c for a flush-draw. The flush hit right on the turn and I didn't fill up on the river so I was stuck $1000 right off the bat. I ended up losing another $200 and was stuck $1200 at this point with only three hundred left infront of me. I picked up a lot of small pots and I had my stack up to about six hundred when BF raised another pot to 55, he got two callers and I looked down at two kings. I decided to raise it big right here with so many people in the pot, I made it 300 to go and BF thought forever before folding. The next guy folded two queens face-up and all that were left was an asian kid who called me. The flop came down 10 high with two spades, he checked to me, I went all-in and he folded. BF later confided he had the other two queens so I was in quite the spot, but I didn't know it. They both supposedly had two queens and were drawing near dead, that sucks.

Enough poker specific talk, I ran my stack up to 1500 again and I was even and as soon as I got even I quit. Jamie won a pretty big hand on his table and doubled through and left his table winning 400. I also played a sit'n'go that I took down, it was a winner take all format for $65 buy-in where winner took $550. I won that one, and put down a mental note to play more of those, as they were completely fucking horrendous at playing those things. It might be the weakest competition I've seen. You get $500 in tournament dollars to use to play a tournament and fifty dollars cash for winning.

Then after this, we went shopping in the local mall. The mall here in Tulsa was pretty big, and I saw some real nice stuff that I liked so I ended up buying a couple shirts, pants, two pairs of super comfortable Diesel shoes that Jamie said I had to try on. Once I tried them on, I had to get them. They are very very comfortable. We went back to the hotel to watch a movie but I passed out about 20 minutes into the movie because I was tired, for some reason getting up semi-early makes me pass out at about midnight without a problem. The beds at the Hampton Inn were nice too, which helped. Just ask Shawn how nice they were! (Since we're 3 people in two beds, Shawn sleeps on the floor, he doesn't want to cuddle in the bed for some reason...)

I'm now writing this blog from the Cherokee Resort, Jamie knew some guy working here who hooked us up big-time. For the same amount we paid for a regular room at the Hampton Inn we now have a pimp-ass suite right at the Resort. It has a wet-bar, a nice entertainment center, big couch and the colors in the suite are really nice. I like the hell out of this place, I might move in here for ever and ever.





I probably forgot about a hundred funny anecdotes that happened so I'll just either edit this later or post a new one, I'm going to take myself a little nap as I just got done busting out of a $330 tournament downstairs. I didn't last through the first level, I never won a hand either, it kind of sucked. I don't blame how I went out, I'd play the hand the same every time just couldn't win the coin-flip.

Donkbusters

The trip to Oklahoma was delayed yet another day, so we went to the casino to play, me and Jamie both. He said he actually felt like playing so I went ahead and went too. We sat down in a $2/5 No Limit game, and I got off to a good start immediately and things were good. I got moved to another table, and yet another table before finally settling down in the main game. It was a very unusual line-up as there were no regulars in the game at all, which is a very good thing. This one guy was trying to give his money away as well as he could, and I think he may have been a professional at it because he dusted off his bankroll faster than Tim goes through $1000 on PokerStars.

That's not a knock on Tim either, since the motherfucker ran up the last $1000 I sent him a week ago to $25,000. I don't know how he does it, I think it's the mentality of going into the highest game you can whenever you can and just hope to run good and not get donked out that is the key to run it up quickly. It is an impressive thing, that's for damn sure.

So anyhow, Jamie only had $180 so I gave him $400 to play on. I didn't tell him this at the time, but I already wrote off the $400 in the "loss" column for the day and put myself in the mindset of being stuck $400 already that I had to get back. I figured investing in Enron was probably a better deal than giving Jamie the money, but I went for it anyway being the sucker that I am. I like those no-win situations like staking Jamie and playing blackjack, my inner masochist gets a kick out of it every time I believe.

To my surprise, he was running over the table, raise, re-raise, I'm all-in! Words I haven't heard him use for months. The only thing I've heard him say for the last three months when playing live are comments like, "I guess you have it, I'll fold." or "Good bet, I can't call." ... or "Aces? Okay, I only have kings, take it..."

First time I heard him say raise I nearly fell out of my fucking chair, I had to take my earbuds out from my iPod to make sure I heard it right so he wasn't just clearing his throat. Two hands later, I heard it again... "raise". I was so thrown off by this that I couldn't find my own game for a good hour, I was stunned. The first time the dealer pushed him a pot it had been so long I think he just stared at the chips for a few seconds, he wasn't really sure what to do with it when the chips were pushed his way. Actually for being so hard on him, I'm just kidding for the most part. He played real good yesterday and right before we left he had a pot when he tripled up. He flopped a queen high flush, the guy next to him flopped a jack high flush, the donkey next to me had one card in the entire deck that could help him (that would give him a straight-flush) and he called off $600 trying to hit that one card. I guess he's one of those people who got a pep-talk from his mom every night about how to reach for the stars, go for the gusto and keep trying in spots where other people would just give up. Newsflash, donkey, your mom wasn't talking about calling off your entire stack with one out.

I also had a great session, people paid me off every time it didn't matter what I did. I picked up my second pair of aces of the night, and raised it to $30 on the button. The man in the blind raises it to $130, I re-raised it to $330. He put it all-in for about $650 total with two tens (10-10) and I called and it held up. Another time it was my turn to get the two tens, the flop came down Q-6-2. He checked and I checked. The turn was my gin card, a ten giving me trips. He over-bet the pot betting like $100 into the $65 pot. I figured he had a big hand, so I raised it up to $300 and he called instantly. The river blanked off and I knew I had the best hand. He checked and told me "How much are you going to bet? Huh? I only have $470, how much are you going to bet?". I was in the middle of trying to see how much I could milk him out of when I realized that wow, I can get all his chips seeing the way how he's talking. I said, "Alright, I'm all-in then." which he called in a flash. He immediately asked, "Do you have the rockets? Are you holding the bullets?" and I said "Nope." and flipped over the tens, he threw away his K-Q and I got a pretty decent pot. This was the same guy that paid off Jamie too on the flush, he was on a mission tonight, he hated money and he was going to get rid of it all.

I ended up winning $2300 and Jamie won $1300 so we really spanked the donkeys tonight. We've been looking into renting a car to drive straight to Vegas instead of Oklahoma first, but it looks like we're taking the Contour over to Oklahoma to play a couple of tournaments then leave for Vegas. As opposed to going to Oklahoma and playing all the tournaments. We still haven't decided anything for sure, of course, because that'd be just too simple. We like making things as difficult as possible.

Now I'm off to get some ice-cream with Shawn, and then perhaps going down to the casino to play a little more.

WANTED: Dangerous Thief, looks something like the picture below.

About three or so days ago, we woke up and Nathan was completely horrified. It was almost impossible to talk to him, he was so upset. I asked him what was wrong, and he said his entire live-play bankroll for the casino had been stolen. Oh my god, I thought, a thief in the house?? God... how can this be. I started running through all the probable suspects but nothing really came to mind. Apparently every single penny, nickel, dime and even quarter that he had was gone. All gone. I saw a little penny trail leading from downstairs to a pink little basket, next to a stuffed monkey. JAYCI WEST! The criminal had been found, she wouldn't admit to it at first but then finally said it was hers and she's keeping it. It's tough to argue with that, she might be four years old but she can lay down the law and beat the shit out of people if she gets mad so we just gave Nathan a box of Kleenex and told him to get the fuck over it. He'll bounce back soon, I think.

Besides all that drama, it's been just another day, nothing too exciting that has happened since the last blog entry. I am in a weird state of mind lately, I feel like I'm just waiting for something to happen and that I'm being stressed out over the fact that things feel like they're at a complete stand-still. It's been a lot of the same old lately, we sit around and play online on the laptop or playing games on the newly bought Xbox 360, which by the way was quite a good purchase! Lacey and Bill have been over here a lot more lately, although for different reasons. Bill brought his laptop too bringing the number of donks in the house that are trying to tear up the internet world to six.

I did see the Da Vinci Code a few days ago though, that movie was very good. I loved the hell out of it, but I did think the book was awesome so that probably helped. Movies rarely get to be as good as the books, but this one was just as good in my opinion. The chick in it was kind of hot too, so that surely helped.

We're still stuck in the house in Lake Cormorant, because the car I've got here has something wrong with it. Apparently, leaving it here with the dome light on for two weeks ran the battery dead, who would've thunk it? That would've been all fine and dandy except it seems like the battery is completely done or that something is wrong with the alternator, I wouldn't have a clue because I'm about as good with cars as Nathan is with 4/8 limit. In other words, I just have no shot at it. We thought about renting a car, but that was like $1600 to rent a car for two weeks from Memphis to be returned to Las Vegas. That seemed a wee bit too expensive. If Jamie wasn't such a puss we could just fly out there, but for being such a tough guy he sure is a chicken-shit when it comes to flying. Apparently riding a bike doing 190 mph and pulling a wheelie or racing the police in a nitrous-injected Mustang are things that are extremely safe and sound while flying a commercial aircraft is DANGEROUS. The boy has some logic, doesn't he?

My own playing has been pretty bad, I had that great session about the last time I wrote the entry but then went and dropped $3,000 in the casino and about another $2,200 online. I played a great game in the casino with half and half pot limit hold'em and pot limit omaha, switching the game every thirty minutes. The game was incredibly good with two guys that have more money than god himself, just trying to give it away. Unfortunately they were running so bad they couldn't even give the money away, but instead beat me out of 3k. They're both very nice guys, they apparently just don't like money.

The insane asylum in the early morning

Jamie and his daughter

Natedogg himself

Mr Bill Lester, owning the donks online

Yours truly
(Are you digging my badass computer desk?)

The lovebirds

The crackheads

So we're sitting here hanging out on the couch and playing online, when Shawn and Jessica go out on the deck outside to "look at the stars", as apparently that's what the kids call it nowadays. Jamie goes out to check on them and they're both laying flat on their backs on the deck. He came back in and shook his head and left them alone.

Fast-forward an hour and two giggle-boxes come in through the door, finding everything funny. Jessica is sitting next to me on the couch and just bursts out in spontaneous giggles every few minutes. Crackheads. The house is filled with people right now, Bill Lester is playing online, Tim is boning Bill's daughter in the other room, I'm writing this blog, Jessica is making retarded noises trying to quote the Clan of the Cavebear by grunting and Shawn is giggling like a school-girl next to her. Jamie is in my bedroom with his daughter asleep. That's what crackheads like us are doing at 4:30 in the morning. Nathan (Chucky) is somewhere at the casino with pimp-daddy trying to make his living grinding it out in the $4/8, it's a hard knock life to be chucky.

We're finally back in Tunica and will be staying until the 9th when we go to Oklahoma. There'll probably be even more crazy indians there I bet, I've never been there but since the indian territory in Philadelphia, MS, they scare me. I don't know why, but some of them do.

On a completely unrelated note, we left Billy in Philadelphia. He's probably going to be mad at us and send for one of his indian friends to scalp us in our sleep. We were supposed to ride back with him to Tunica, but we had to call the emergency hotline to send us a hot, sexy blonde with a new red porsche to come pick us up. Apparently they ran out of hot, sexy blondes riding porsches, so instead they sent Jessica with her silver jeep. That's how bad we're running right now. Just kidding of course, Jessica is awesome. She's just as fucked up as Shawn is though as their common interest is going to graveyards at night and try to find bodyparts that might be laying around. That sounds like I was trying to make a lame joke and made up some crazy thing that people might do, didn't it? I couldn't even make up something that fucking wild, they are actually into that kind of stuff. It's not their fault though and I can't hold it against them, because Jessica was dropped on her head as a child evidently and Shawn lived under the power-lines and ate a lot of paint chips as a child.

We went shopping yesterday at the high-end retail store known as Wal-Mart. We've lived in this house almost two months now and finally invested in a comforter, pillows, some fans and other assorted junk that amounted to $246,98. I put the new nice sheets on my bed and my comforter and my new euro-inspired, super smooth, silky, comfortable badass pillow of luxuriousness and went smooth the fuck asleep in about five minutes. I might never get out of bed again, seriously. I would be in bed right now if Tim hadn't came in and begged me to let him have my bed so him and Lacey wouldn't have to ... *cough* sleep on the floor.

Poker has been going good, I had to pay my share of the bills and just came back from New Orleans so things weren't looking good. I ended up having one of the best cash-game days I've ever had at 2/4 and won about $6300, then got up today and started off being up $3100 after only an hour of playing. I played another four hours and lost the $3100 and another $900 on top of it. It was a pretty brutal swing, but I started playing really bad towards the end and combined with running bad, it sucked. I need to get myself some of the happy sticks to suck on like the crackheads next to me have been smoking so I can sit and just stare at the wall and giggle too. That looks like a lot of fun. It really does.

That's about all for now, I'm really wanting to go see a movie soon as I just love movies. I can't figure out what new good movies are out for rent though, I know at the theater they're playing Da Vinci Code which I really want to see. I just hope it won't suck, I ended up reading a review on it that said it was awful and that really disappoints me. Da Vinci Code was one of the best books I've ever read.

I just thought of another quick story that is just so sweet I have to share it with ya'll, Shawn and Jamie took Jamies daughter Jayci West down to the park. Apparently they found these three little kittens laying there in really bad shape next to some trash-can or some such, Shawn tried to get Jamie to walk the other way so Jayci West wouldn't see them but she spotted them and ran up to them. Two of them were in bad shape and one was doing alright and moving around, Jayci West immediately wanted to take them home and take care of them. She's four years old and she was just heart-broken that these little poor things were sitting by themselves hungry and without any water. She was bawling her little eyes out when Jamie said we can't take them home. :( Poor thing.